THE COFFEE DATE DIARIES: KEY PLAYERS

KEY PLAYERS:

DATING DIVA-an incredibly wise dating veteran with 15 years of countless dates under her belt, including 3 years on the internet on 5 different sites. This woman has conquered the twin kingdoms of "ManSpeak" and "ManThink". She understands men and loves communicating with them. Her compassionate, practical approach and advice are a balm for my anxious questions.

JO-newly online, his devotion to his ex-wife is both touching and terrifying to me. He has been devastated by his divorce and shares his pain openly. This man is a good choice, more than worth taking a risk for-I know it. "Love like you've never been hurt, baby". But I have, and my faith is shattered. To compound matters, my heart is stubborn and only willing to accept one true love. Yep, me and the voles and the swans, perhaps the wolves. What good is this kind of loyalty? Very few animals in nature mate for life, perhaps this is a lesson I should try harder to learn.

MR. T-Honey, it's all in the wrist. An unexpected twist has turned this man from a friend into one of the most passionate and exhilarating people I have ever met. His kindness and quick wit alternately sooth and sustain me through some very weird moments. Althought lightly packed, I do have some baggage and am struggling with mid-life issues: an empty nest, declining hormones and the death of a very special friend.

THE FRANTIC ROMANTIC-initially this was me. After an exquisitely painful and very messy divorce, I have essentially lived the life of a nun. Cloistered in a close community of girlfriends and family, the pain has lingered for a long, long time. Finally my frantic responses to those first fledgling internet dating attempts has subsided.

THE FORTUNATE ROMANTIC-me now. I realized that finding the right person to love and trust is a learned skill. With the help of great mentors and a positive attitude, I did it. I can teach you to do it, too. This is my story and the advice I can share. BUT FIRST...

LOL-LOVE OF (my) LIFE-we've all met at least one of these people. Mine was in the form of a delightfully unavailable man that I was deliriously, depressingly in love with for three years. He is emotionally immature and distant, and has viewed my heartfelt anguish with an eerie clinical detachment. LOL gleefully stomped on my romantic dreams for him and crushed my self esteem. He is mentally/verbally cruel-I bet he pulls the legs off spiders. However, he is also wickedly funny and incredibly charming when he has something to gain.


Anyway, the thing about LOL's is that they teach us about life: about not getting the person we so desperately long for and gracefully accepting the disappointment (this means no stalking)...about gathering our tattered cloak of self-esteem around us and moving on. Most importantly, they teach us how to make the definitive choice between healthy vs. unhealthy relationships when we begin that long, solitary swim toward shore. It's only fitting then, to begin with (fortunately for me), "the one that got away".