March 8-Consult with Dating Diva. Once again I am whining to my chief confidante about LOL. I pour my heart out. I am drowning in grief and despair. This becomes the last "pity party" DD allows me to host. I am gently reminded that LOL and I read the same book, but are on very different pages. We mutually agree that he must have no further place in my life.
If one follows the logic that we get the relationships we believe we deserve, I must feel very unworthy. With some help, I know I can do better and am determined to be successful in love. My pathetic romantic life is about to get a lift. So, Diva & I begin to craft the outline for my new profile. Diva shares her extensive knowledge on writing a really engaging profile. She is generous in sharing her personal stories of dating successes and disappointments, new-age etiquette and general matters of the heart. This is a lot of information for my tiny mind to digest in one sitting, so I write it down in my own unique perspective. My dark side finds her internet dating horror stories fascinating, some of them are shared here. I will include ALL of mine as proof that real life is stranger than fiction.
p.s. if you have an internet dating horror story to share, please send it along-I would love to read it. I really do have a dark side...
Sunday, May 31, 2009
THE COFFEE DATE DIARIES: KEY PLAYERS
KEY PLAYERS:
DATING DIVA-an incredibly wise dating veteran with 15 years of countless dates under her belt, including 3 years on the internet on 5 different sites. This woman has conquered the twin kingdoms of "ManSpeak" and "ManThink". She understands men and loves communicating with them. Her compassionate, practical approach and advice are a balm for my anxious questions.
JO-newly online, his devotion to his ex-wife is both touching and terrifying to me. He has been devastated by his divorce and shares his pain openly. This man is a good choice, more than worth taking a risk for-I know it. "Love like you've never been hurt, baby". But I have, and my faith is shattered. To compound matters, my heart is stubborn and only willing to accept one true love. Yep, me and the voles and the swans, perhaps the wolves. What good is this kind of loyalty? Very few animals in nature mate for life, perhaps this is a lesson I should try harder to learn.
MR. T-Honey, it's all in the wrist. An unexpected twist has turned this man from a friend into one of the most passionate and exhilarating people I have ever met. His kindness and quick wit alternately sooth and sustain me through some very weird moments. Althought lightly packed, I do have some baggage and am struggling with mid-life issues: an empty nest, declining hormones and the death of a very special friend.
THE FRANTIC ROMANTIC-initially this was me. After an exquisitely painful and very messy divorce, I have essentially lived the life of a nun. Cloistered in a close community of girlfriends and family, the pain has lingered for a long, long time. Finally my frantic responses to those first fledgling internet dating attempts has subsided.
THE FORTUNATE ROMANTIC-me now. I realized that finding the right person to love and trust is a learned skill. With the help of great mentors and a positive attitude, I did it. I can teach you to do it, too. This is my story and the advice I can share. BUT FIRST...
LOL-LOVE OF (my) LIFE-we've all met at least one of these people. Mine was in the form of a delightfully unavailable man that I was deliriously, depressingly in love with for three years. He is emotionally immature and distant, and has viewed my heartfelt anguish with an eerie clinical detachment. LOL gleefully stomped on my romantic dreams for him and crushed my self esteem. He is mentally/verbally cruel-I bet he pulls the legs off spiders. However, he is also wickedly funny and incredibly charming when he has something to gain.
Anyway, the thing about LOL's is that they teach us about life: about not getting the person we so desperately long for and gracefully accepting the disappointment (this means no stalking)...about gathering our tattered cloak of self-esteem around us and moving on. Most importantly, they teach us how to make the definitive choice between healthy vs. unhealthy relationships when we begin that long, solitary swim toward shore. It's only fitting then, to begin with (fortunately for me), "the one that got away".
DATING DIVA-an incredibly wise dating veteran with 15 years of countless dates under her belt, including 3 years on the internet on 5 different sites. This woman has conquered the twin kingdoms of "ManSpeak" and "ManThink". She understands men and loves communicating with them. Her compassionate, practical approach and advice are a balm for my anxious questions.
JO-newly online, his devotion to his ex-wife is both touching and terrifying to me. He has been devastated by his divorce and shares his pain openly. This man is a good choice, more than worth taking a risk for-I know it. "Love like you've never been hurt, baby". But I have, and my faith is shattered. To compound matters, my heart is stubborn and only willing to accept one true love. Yep, me and the voles and the swans, perhaps the wolves. What good is this kind of loyalty? Very few animals in nature mate for life, perhaps this is a lesson I should try harder to learn.
MR. T-Honey, it's all in the wrist. An unexpected twist has turned this man from a friend into one of the most passionate and exhilarating people I have ever met. His kindness and quick wit alternately sooth and sustain me through some very weird moments. Althought lightly packed, I do have some baggage and am struggling with mid-life issues: an empty nest, declining hormones and the death of a very special friend.
THE FRANTIC ROMANTIC-initially this was me. After an exquisitely painful and very messy divorce, I have essentially lived the life of a nun. Cloistered in a close community of girlfriends and family, the pain has lingered for a long, long time. Finally my frantic responses to those first fledgling internet dating attempts has subsided.
THE FORTUNATE ROMANTIC-me now. I realized that finding the right person to love and trust is a learned skill. With the help of great mentors and a positive attitude, I did it. I can teach you to do it, too. This is my story and the advice I can share. BUT FIRST...
LOL-LOVE OF (my) LIFE-we've all met at least one of these people. Mine was in the form of a delightfully unavailable man that I was deliriously, depressingly in love with for three years. He is emotionally immature and distant, and has viewed my heartfelt anguish with an eerie clinical detachment. LOL gleefully stomped on my romantic dreams for him and crushed my self esteem. He is mentally/verbally cruel-I bet he pulls the legs off spiders. However, he is also wickedly funny and incredibly charming when he has something to gain.
Anyway, the thing about LOL's is that they teach us about life: about not getting the person we so desperately long for and gracefully accepting the disappointment (this means no stalking)...about gathering our tattered cloak of self-esteem around us and moving on. Most importantly, they teach us how to make the definitive choice between healthy vs. unhealthy relationships when we begin that long, solitary swim toward shore. It's only fitting then, to begin with (fortunately for me), "the one that got away".
THE COFFE DATE DIARIES: INSIDE INTERNET DATING
This blog is for those nice people who are truly looking for love on the internet. If you are not nice or not truly searching, I have just one thing to say...may you never make it past the first date. Otherwise, my blog is dedicated to the brave souls who have posted profiles online. It is also a completely acceptable form of dating, Mom. And quite safe, Dad.
ALSO DEDICATED TO:
DATING DIVA and DDD (Dating Diva's Darling): Thanks for your patience and good humour. You are wise coaches and wonderful friends.
JO: Thanks for teaching me my first real internet dating lessons; I hope your heart has healed.
MY SONS: For understanding and not once saying "Eeeeeeeew!". Although I bet you thought it. Remember I changed your diapers, so now it's "payback" time!
*watch for a special dedication near the end of this blog*
BACK BY OVERWHELMED RESPONSE:
I have been a single mom and avid corporate ladder climber for 16 years. Last year, with my kids leaving home I felt the need to focus on my personal life and took it online. This is my third bona fide attempt and for the record, I have come a long way from the previous year's internet dating virgin who burst into tears and hid from an avalanche of response on one of the top three internet dating sites.
Now I've returned on a different dating site which reminds me that life is just one big pond. However, I am a seasoned cyber siren, determined to find my "sole" mate.
This blog is for those nice people who are truly looking for love on the internet. If you are not nice or not truly searching, I have just one thing to say...may you never make it past the first date. Otherwise, my blog is dedicated to the brave souls who have posted profiles online. It is also a completely acceptable form of dating, Mom. And quite safe, Dad.
ALSO DEDICATED TO:
DATING DIVA and DDD (Dating Diva's Darling): Thanks for your patience and good humour. You are wise coaches and wonderful friends.
JO: Thanks for teaching me my first real internet dating lessons; I hope your heart has healed.
MY SONS: For understanding and not once saying "Eeeeeeeew!". Although I bet you thought it. Remember I changed your diapers, so now it's "payback" time!
*watch for a special dedication near the end of this blog*
BACK BY OVERWHELMED RESPONSE:
I have been a single mom and avid corporate ladder climber for 16 years. Last year, with my kids leaving home I felt the need to focus on my personal life and took it online. This is my third bona fide attempt and for the record, I have come a long way from the previous year's internet dating virgin who burst into tears and hid from an avalanche of response on one of the top three internet dating sites.
Now I've returned on a different dating site which reminds me that life is just one big pond. However, I am a seasoned cyber siren, determined to find my "sole" mate.
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